This post actually reminded me just how strong I am on the inside. I wrote it on a day when all I wanted was to crumble, to give in… but I got through it. This post also reminded me what I wanted to accomplish with this blog…. it reminded me that there is always tomorrow to begin again… Hope you enjoy.
Today has been pure and utter hell. I am still waiting for my Dr’s office to call in and correct an error on my prescription for Cymbalta.
I have now been 6 days without this medication and am starting to feel the side effects of a cold withdrawal.
I have never had this experience before and now have a Cathartic respect for anyone who has ever kicked an addiction.
The pain is horrific, the dizziness never comes in waves like when one has the flu or food poisoning, it is just ever-present.
Foods I love have a nasty taste right now, and my sense of smell is going to be the death of me. I hate anything that once smelled like heaven and it would appear that my nose has gained a super power. I can smell things that never bothered me before, things like dirt in my rose bushes and baby powder that I use to sooth my fur babies itches.
Lets talk itches while the topic is fresh …. I feel like my enter body is trying to destroy me. I itch all the time. I have tried changing my body wash, soaking in an oatmeal bath, switching to a viscous body lotion, swapping out our laundry detergent and fabric softener to baby friendly versions and nothing helps. My skin is raw from me scratching non stop and this only serves to irritate my poor skin more.
Noise physically hurts. I feel like a crazy woman, I swear I can hear the earth rotate on it’s axis. As a person with Fibromyalgia, I know that these symptoms are nothing new but damn if they don’t feel some how amplified.
On day 2 I was reduced to tears most of the day and by day 5 I was ready to take a curtain call, but then I realized I am not the only person out there suffering from a case of the spoonies, and how can I ever wish to ease life for my fellow spoonies if I don’t pull myself up and fight my way out of my depression and not let this little issue sway me to do something stupid.
I guess what I mean is your pain is real, all of our pain is real, and the struggles will pass. There will come a time when it will get better. Hold on spoonie darlings, there will be a day when you will rise above you invisible attacker.
We can hope for cures and hope for awareness, but let us never forget to revel in our small steps taken and our small achievement, those are the stepping-stones to our greater selves, our happier selves.
Rise spoonie darlings, like the Phoenix’s I know you all are. Why? Damn it because we are spoonie strong …. that’s a strength not even Teflon can claim.
Nite for now my spoonie family. May the dawn present you with smiles, happiness, and baskets of spoons.
Untill next time, thanks for peeking in on this spoonie’s makeup bag and as alway remember – save a spoon for lip gloss.