That Damned Rabbit

Why hello there; Happy Easter.

This day normally for me is hard to deal with. My grand mother ( father’s mother ) pasted away on Easter. I miss her laugh and the way she would tease me about how she had no butt or thighs and I had more than enough to share.

When you have physical limitations and mental illness the holidays in general can be a nightmare….  For me this year I am not plagued with so much depression as I have been in the past but I’m still sad… Every Easter I have the same inner dialogue with myself …. Why didn’t I fight harder to keep that damn rabbit …..

My Grand Mother made me this fluffy pink and white stuffed rabbit, who was extremely cherished by me  and as I grew older I always promised myself that this would be the one childhood keepsake that I held on to. My parents , not so much. We moved at some point growing up and my rabbit went “missing”.

After grandma H. died that’s the only thing I thought about, that damned rabbit.

It’s funny how your mind locks on to something and plays it on a loop in your head.

So this rabbit becomes this dialogue that starts with why didn’t I pack it myself and branches off to …. how in the actual fuck does a rabbit symbolize the resurrection of a  deity and why would a rabbit give us eggs and candy? Why not carrots and lettuce? Wouldn’t a chicken be a better symbol since we get eggs?

So this naturally leads me to look it up … EVERY YEAR …. like, why the hell can I never remember the reason for a rabbit and eggs …. and then it’s back to why the hell didn’t I just keep my rabbit ….

(getting a picture of how the brain of a person with mental illness works?)

This year I think I over did myself with preparations for Easter. I made homemade sofrito ( a condiment used in spanish cooking – has herbs and peppers and onions – really yummy) , I made a pernil ( pork picnic shoulder) , and food shopped …. this wiped me out and so today I sit here with no energy , tons of pain, and sadness about that damned rabbit… I need a hobby I think (haaa haaa)

Any way I hope you all have a  happy and safe holiday and that you have good health and tons of energy. Until next time – thanks for peeking in on this spoonies makeup bag and save a spoon for a bit of lip gloss.