Paralyzing Fear

Photo by Kat Jayne on

Hey doll hey. How’s your day/night going? Great I hope. I’m not doing too good today. I’ve been having loads of panic attacks since Wednesday and have been in a constant state of anxiety. Because of this I haven’t really been wanting to go into my makeup room.

The panic that I’ve been in has been an all consuming, deep pit of blackness that feels thick and asphyxiating.

It started Wednesday night. I was just simply walking to my garage to have a cigarette and all the sudden I couldn’t breath… my heart banging almost out of my chest. It felt like the darkness around me was strangling me. I don’t remember much other than I woke up on the floor.

Since Wednesday I haven’t been able to be alone at night and I have had to have all the lights on in the house at night.

This is the thing with PTSD and past traumas… sometimes fear just bubbles up out of nowhere and consumes your very existence.

I learned that on Wednesday when I couldn’t remember what happened but woke up on the floor it’s that I hyperventilated and more than likely passed out. That’s scary to me because I was home alone….

I was able to speak with my Psychiatrist today and he did add Lorazepam to my medications to see if this can help, I’ll be starting that on Wednesday.

I’ll be back to makeup posts soon I promise, but for now I need to take a few days to just try and get my head together ❤

In the meantime…. I posted a recipe I created for Mallorca (Puerto Rican Sweet Buns)… it’s titled Taste of Home. So I was thinking… so what do you do with all that egg white left over? I mean it’s a lot…. 1 cup full of egg whites to be exact.

Well I made peppermint meringue cookies, using the recipe of Sugar Spun Run and I couldn’t be happier with how they turned out.

Because of my anxiety I didn’t photograph every step I did and I also haven’t taken a good picture of the finished cookies…. but here is a few pictures of that process….

It was fun to make and helped center my racing mind.

Well… that’s all for now dolls. I hope and pray you are in great spirits and health and that you enjoy the rest of your day/night.

Remember … Save a spoon for a bit of lipstick

XOXO, Nita