Fibromyalgia

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E.L.F. Makeup Review and Face of the Day

Published December 4, 2019 by aspooniesmakeupbag

Good morning doll babies. It’s extremely cold here in Florida today. With cold there is pain for fibromyalgia sufferers. My pain level is  9 today which means I will be practicing self care and resting today. With that said I chose to do a low maintenance makeup today. It’s not full on glam but I think it turned out cute. I know my hair looks put together, it really isn’t all I did was put it in a twisted bun last night and then I took it down and ran my fingers through it… that’s it, it’s my go to thing for when I’m in pain so I don’t look a hot mess the next day.

The makeup I am using today are mostly all new products for me and all are from the E.L.F. cosmetics line.

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All New Products to Me

I didn’t buy a primer because I own 2 of E.L.F.’s primers, however I couldn’t use either as both are expired. I had forgotten that I DID however purchase their Poreless Putty Primer, so I should have used that one and I will review that primer in tomorrow’s face of the day … and I really need to repurchase the two primers that went off as I really do enjoy them. I didn’t purchase an eyeliner because I find that I just do not like the eyeliners in their line as is the case with their mascara… I just don’t like their mascaras…. it’s a preference issue and not a quality issue.  I find the E.L.F. eyeliners to be too waxy and too dry for my tender eye area and as for the mascara I find their mascaras to be too flaky for me.

Now on to the face of the day and makeup review ….

The Face of the Day…..

Base: The primer I picked today was Too faced Hangover RX ($34 at Ulta, Sephora, and the Too Faced website). I used E.L.F. BB Cream SPF 20 ($6 on the ELF website) in the color Nude. For concealer I am wearing their HD Lifting Concealer ($4 on their website). To set my bb cream I used the E.L.F. Sheer Tint Finishing Powder ($6 on their website) in the color Light/Medium.  As always I set my under eye I used the Smooth and Set under eye setting powder ($4 on their website). I used the E.L.F. Contour Palette ($8 on their website) in the color light/medium as my bronzer today.

 

Eyes: To prime my eyes I used, as always, my Tarte Shape Tape ($19 at Ulta). I used the New Classics eye shadow palette ($14 on their website). To set my Shape Tape I used the color Creme. My first transition color is Truffle and my second transition is Darling which I also used on the outer 1/2 of my lid. For my crease color I chose Muse. The outer v was darkened by Earth which I also used on the outer 1/3 of my lid. On the inner 1/2 of my lid I used Beloved and then I used Glamour over top of Beloved on the inner 1/3. For my brow bone highlight I used Blanc and my inner corner highlight is Cosmo. i used a combination of Noir and Earth as my eyeliner and on my lower lash line I used Darling and Earth. On my lower water line I used NYX Faux Whites ($8 at Ulta and NYX’s website) in the color Linen.The mascara I chose was The Balm What’s Your Type? ($19 on The Balm website). I switched it up with my brows today. I used E.L.F. Ultra Precise Brow Pencil ($5 on their website) in deep brown paired with E.L.F. Wow Brow ($4 on their website) also in deep brown

 

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With Flash

Cheeks and Lips:  I used the E.L.F. Illuminating Palette ($8 on their website). For blush I used their powder blush palette ($8 on their website) in light and I used the second color on the top. Finally I used their lip liner and blending brush ($3 on their website) in the color nude pink and paired it with their high shine liquid lip gloss ($4 on their website).

The Review ….

From what I remember on the ELF primers they are pretty good. The down side is they seem to go off too fast. I have had the 2 that I picked for only 3 months. It could be because I purchased them at Walmart and Walmart doesn’t always keep track of their expiration dates. I am looking forward to trying the pore primer! I have heard great things about it.

The BB Cream is a thin formula that gives you light coverage. Unlike most BB creams with SPF in them, this BB cream doesn’t have a scent and isn’t greasy. It’s pretty good. One dollop is all that is needed. It melds into the skin flawlessly and blended like a dream. However, like most BB creams, it does need to be set in place with a powder. It comes in 6 shades, 1 being a deep shade for dark skin. They do offer 3 color foundation adjusting creams that could help darker skinned lovelies find a shade that’s right for them.

The HD Lifting Concealer is one that I owned and have repurchased several times. The down side is that it only comes in 3 shades, none of which are even close enough for deeper skin. The upside? This concealer looks amazing under the eyes! It makes the skin look glowing and bright and flawless! It doesn’t last from morning to night, unless you set it with a powder.

E.L.F. Sheer Tint Finishing Powder is new to me. I never have tried an ELF powder because I’m so obsessed with the Laura Mercier one. This powder is silky. It comes in 5 shadeds, 2 that are for darker skin. I did find that by noon I had to reapply the powder to my nose and jaw line. This powder makes the skin look perfected.

 

 

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With Flash

Eyes: To prime my eyes I used, as always, my Tarte Shape Tape ($19 at Ulta). I used the New Classics eye shadow palette ($14 on their website). To set my Shape Tape I used the color Creme. My first transition color is Truffle and my second transition is Darling which I also used on the outer 1/2 of my lid. For my crease color I chose Muse. The outer v was darkened by Earth which I also used on the outer 1/3 of my lid. On the inner 1/2 of my lid I used Beloved and then I used Glamour over top of Beloved on the inner 1/3. For my brow bone highlight I used Blanc and my inner corner highlight is Cosmo. i used a combination of Noir and Earth as my eyeliner and on my lower lash line I used Darling and Earth. On my lower water line I used NYX Faux Whites ($8 at Ulta and NYX’s website) in the color Linen.The mascara I chose was The Balm What’s Your Type? ($19 on The Balm website). I switched it up with my brows today. I used E.L.F. Ultra Precise Brow Pencil ($5 on their website) in deep brown paired with E.L.F. Wow Brow ($4 on their website) also in deep brown

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With Flash

Cheeks and Lips:  I used the E.L.F. Illuminating Palette ($8 on their website). For blush I used their powder blush palette ($8 on their website) in light and I used the second color on the top. Finally I used their lip liner and blending brush ($3 on their website) in the color nude pink and paired it with their high shine liquid lip gloss ($4 on their website).

The Review ….

From what I remember on the ELF primers they are pretty good. The down side is they seem to go off too fast. I have had the 2 that I picked for only 3 months. It could be because I purchased them at Walmart and Walmart doesn’t always keep track of their expiration dates. I am looking forward to trying the pore primer! I have heard great things about it.

The BB Cream is a thin formula that gives you light coverage. Unlike most BB creams with SPF in them, this BB cream doesn’t have a scent and isn’t greasy. It’s pretty good. One dollop is all that is needed. It melds into the skin flawlessly and blended like a dream. However, like most BB creams, it does need to be set in place with a powder. It comes in 6 shades, 1 being a deep shade for dark skin. They do offer 3 color foundation adjusting creams that could help darker skinned lovelies find a shade that’s right for them.

The HD Lifting Concealer is one that I owned and have repurchased several times. The down side is that it only comes in 3 shades, none of which are even close enough for deeper skin. The upside? This concealer looks amazing under the eyes! It makes the skin look glowing and bright and flawless! It doesn’t last from morning to night, unless you set it with a powder.

E.L.F. Sheer Tint Finishing Powder is new to me. I never have tried an ELF powder because I’m so obsessed with the Laura Mercier one. This powder is silky. It comes in 5 shades, 2 that are for darker skin. I did find that by noon I had to reapply the powder to my nose and jaw line. This powder makes the skin look perfected.

The Smooth and Set under eye setting powder has been my go to under eye setting powder for about 3 years now, it’s that good. I use to set my under eye with face powder and it always made my under eye look dry.

This Contour Palette I used to bronze my skin with …. it’s OK as a bronzer, I really should have picked up an actual bronzer. The colors in the palette are good for contour they have the right undertones for shading. The powder blends well and layers beautifully.

New Classics eye shadow palette is amazing! The Shades are pretty, pigmented, and they blend into each other effortlessly. This palette comes with 18 shades, 8 mattes and 10 shimmers. This palette stands up to high end palettes. I will find myself reaching for this one a ton this winter. It’s a great go to palette for that everyday look that can easily be transformed into a night time look , with that black and dark brown shades.                  The Colors : Creme is a true vanilla. Truffle is a peach based tan. Darling is an orange based brown. Muse is a red based brown. Noir is a stand black. Blanc is a dull white with a silver reflect. Uptown is a grey base camel. Charmer is a pink based deep tan. Earth is a dark true brown. Beloved is a peach based pink with a gold reflect. Gilded is a deep gold with a green reflect. Glamour is a true light peach with a pink reflect. Black Cherry is a deep brown with a purple reflect. Cosmo is a beautiful tan with a pink reflect. Rose Gold is a pink based copper with a silver reflect. Platinum is a grey silver with a silver reflect. Opulent is a grey based green with a silver reflect. Downtown is a rainbow colored reflect.

E.L.F. Ultra Precise Brow Pencil really surprised me. Since I don’t really like the eyeliner lines I thought for sure I wouldn’t like the eyebrow pencil. It went on like a dream. It isn’t waxy like most brow pencils, it’s creamy… but not so creamy that it transfers to the forehead. In my opinion it’s just as good as the NYX micro brow pencil. The color was perfect and the point is small enough to draw fine hairs in the bald spots. I will definitely keep this pencil in my rotation which surprises me since I am so attached to the brow powder that I have been using for the better part of 2 years. Now the Wow Brow was another product that surprised me. I expected it to go on patchy or in the wrong color scheme. It goes on like a gel and dries down well. It also doesn’t make the brows feel crunchy. I really enjoy these two products together. The Brow pencil comes in 8 colors and the wow brow comes in 5 colors. These two products together are only $9! They work so well that the price is a steal. 

E.L.F. Illuminating Palette gives you 4 different shades of highlighter. I like them, they are not my favorite, I like the metallic flair highlighter much more (but then again I like full glam makeup much more than subtle makeup). These highlighters give you natural glow, they do have some glitter flecks but it’s nothing too harsh. They are perfect to wear for work or school as they aren’t high impact highlighters. Great for everyday wear.

The lip liner and blending brush is just OK for me. It’s a little waxy and went on a bit patchy for me. Now in full disclouser I did not use my lip balm today ( it was in the living room and I just didn’t want to go get it with the amount of pain I am in.) so this could be a factor as to why it went on patchy. The color payoff was good and I do want to try this liner again when I have my lip balm on to see if it feels less waxy and patchy.

The high shine liquid lip gloss is the unsung hero of the whole order! I have to tell you I hate lip gloss …and I mean HATE. It’s always sticky, never stays put long and then you are stuck reapplying forever, lip gloss always feels heavy on the lips too. This lip gloss is so amazing!!! I’m sad that it only comes in 3 colors and hope that E.L.F. comes out with more shades. I am totally picking up the other 2 shades. This little beauty goes on opaque and smoothly. It is not sticky at all and feels nice on the lips almost like my favorite lip balm. It almost feels like a liquid lipstick, it goes on like a liquid lipstick too. I ate breakfast and drank coffee and when I looked in the mirror my lip gloss was still in place. This isn’t the kind of lip product that you can layer over lip stick, because it’s so opaque that it would add to the color of your lip product not enhance your lip product.

Final Thoughts:                                                                                                                                E.L.F. in general is a great company with great products at affordable prices. The quality of most of their products is amazing, high end quality meets budget friendly prices. This is a great company to explore whether you are a novice or an expert at makeup. This is a great place for novices to build their makeup repertoire. Just like with any other company, they do have some duds but they have more gems than duds.

Well that’s all for now dolls. I hope they day finds you in good spirits with plenty of spoons.

And remember, always save a spoon for a bit of makeup.

XOXO

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cold Weather Blues

Published December 3, 2019 by aspooniesmakeupbag

Hello dolls. Today is a high pain level day for, I’m at a level 8. The weather has turned chilly and the chill is hurting my spoonie bits.  I can’t move my neck to well today, my hips are hurting, and all my muscles are sore and tight.

The cold weather always pushes me into a fibro flare but it also aggravates my rheumatoid arthritis.

I was able to get up and shower and do my hair and makeup and do a blog post but then I had to take a rest.

My medication isn’t working today and my pain level is so high that I can’t keep food down so it’s been a rough day. I also have a wicked headache.

I had planned to cook Spanish beef stew and white rice but the pain is so intense that I decided on Paninis.

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Turkey, Munster Cheese, Tomato, and Pesto

I think today will be an early bed day, hopefully I will be able to sleep. It’s important to remain positive when you are having an off day.

I’ve been crying on and off all day because of the pain. It can deflate the spirits if you aren’t careful.

The important thing to remember that just because you can’t get you whole to do list done doesn’t mean you’re doing bad… it just mean you did your best.

I’m having a hard time with words today so I’ll leave the post with this

Don’t be afraid to ask for help when  you need it.  Keep your head high.

 

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Love and Spoons babies,

Don’t forget to save a spoon for a bit of lipstick.

XOXO

 

Rose Gold Face of the Day

Published December 2, 2019 by aspooniesmakeupbag

Hello dolls. I’m hurting a ton today. It got chilly over night and colder weather will always cause a pain flair. I hope you are bundled up nice and warm.

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No flash

Today everything and anything that could go wrong with my makeup happened. My brows took forever I had to redo them several times …. they are no longer twins… they are more like kissing cousins (LOL). My eyeliner too a long time and I still don’t like how it turned out …. it’s been a while since I did a winged eyeliner.

Today I chose rose golds as my palette.

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No flash but tons of flash back because of the spf

Base:  I used 2 primers from NYX, Pore Filler Primer (regularly $14 but on sale for 3.50 on NYX’s website) and Angel Veil Primer ($16 at Ulta). I wanted a bit of glow so I used BECCA Backlight Priming Filter ($39 at Ulta, Sephora,, and BECCA’s website). I woke up with dark circles (didn’t sleep well due to pain) so I pulled out my Tarte Colored Clay CC Undereye Corrector ($25 at Ulta) in the color light medium, then I used MAC Pro-Long Wear Concealer in NC30. I set my face with Laura Mercier Loose Setting Powder ($39 at Sephora) in translucent and my undereyes with ELF Smooth and Set Eye Powder ($4 at Walmart and Target and on the ELF website). My foundation today is Bobbi Brown Skin Foundation SPF 15 ($50 at Sephora) in the color Beige 3. I used NYX Matte Bronzer (regularly $10 but on sale for $6.50 at NYX stores and on their website) in deep tan. 

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With flash – the flash back is strong with this foundation because of the SPF 15.

Eyes: As always I used my Tarte Shape Tape in the color light medium honey. I wanted rose tones today so I pulled out an old school palette, Urban Decay Naked 3 (regularly $54 but on sale for $27 at Ulta, Sephora, and the Urban Decay website). I used Strange to set my eye base, Limit as my transition shade, Nooner as my first crease color, Darkside as my second crease color and for the outer 1/3 of my lid, Blackheart as my outer v and lower lid eye liner, and Buzz as my inner 2/3 of my lid. As my brow bone highlight I used Wet n Wild Color Icon shadow ($0.99 at Walgreens) in the color Sugar. As my inner corner highlight I chose Urban Decay single shadow ($20 at Ulta and on Urban Decay’s website) is the color Midnight Cowboy. My eyeliner today is Physicians Formula Eye Booster 2-in-1 Boosting Eyeliner Serum ($6.78 at Walmart) in the color Ultra Black.  I used Loreal Voluminous Primer ($5.99 at Target) and Tarteist Lash Paint Mascara ($23 at Ulta). I set my brows again with Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Gel ($22 at Ulta,Sephora, and the ABH website) in clear. Brows were done with the same product I always use the professional brow powder for Oh La La brow bar ($10).

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Cheeks and Lips: I used Essence Pure Nude Highlighter (4.49 at Ulta) in 10 Be My Light. My blush today is MAC Powder Blush (Regularly $25 on sale aat Ulta for $15) in Pinch O’ Peach. On to lips … I used ColourPop Lippie Stix (regularly $6 on sale for $4.20 on ColourPop website) in the color Lumiere and the matching lippie pencil (regularly $6 on sale for $4.20 on ColourPop website) also in Lumiere.

Final Thoughts:  Pore Filler Primer does it’s job, but the only way it works is if you push the product into the skin… if you rub the product on it will pill up on you. The Angel Veil Primer reminds me of the Hourglass mineral veil primer in texture, however it doesn’t leave a white cased on the face… it wears just as long as the Hourglass primer does.. with only a $4.00 difference in price I don’t really see a huge reason to purchase the NYX one over the Hourglass one, they both has 30ml of product, they both blur the skin, they both are fragrance free, and they both hold foundation beautifully. What it comes own to is convenience. It’s easier to pop into the store and get the product rather then waiting for it in the mail and if you don’t have a NYX store near you then the Hourglass version is your better option.

I’ve said it already that I truly love the Tarte Color corrector, I just don’t like that it is only offered in 2 colors … they need to add one for darker skinned beauties too since this is a peace based product they only would need 1 more shade to round out the range. MAC Pro-Long Wear Concealer I find to be really thick. There is a learning curve to this concealer and I wish they would design the pump a bit better since a little of this product goes a very long way  …. I used 2 dots on each undereye and was able to cover the upper cheek area as well … the problem is the pump deposits so much product that you end up wasting it. It has 16 shades and which are 3 deeper (come on MAC …. you really need to step up the game and come out with more deep tone shades!). The Bobbi Brown Skin Foundation SPF 15 is billed as a water-based, oil-free formula but it feels like a Serum based foundation. It has 30 shades, starting at lightest beige with a white hint and pink undertones (for palest skin) to deepest brown with red/brown/yellow undertones (for the deepest skin tones). It’s not my favorite formula. It takes some work to get this foundation to blend in. It starts out streaky but with some effort blends it wonderfully. It’s not that it’s a bad foundation it’s just that it is so high maintenance that for me it’s not worth the effort. I’ll use it up but I don’t think I will repurchase it. The Matte Bronzer by NYX is a orange based bronzer that is really pigmented… your going to have to use a soft hand with this one or suffer the ompah lumpah side effect. The first time I used this bronzer I was so orange it was horrible. I really enjoy this bronzer and once I hit pan I will be repurchasing it. 

Urban Decay Naked 3 and the single eyeshadows…. Naked 3 is nice palette but with only 4 matte shades a highlight, a transition, a crease, and an outer v …. so each look you try ends up looking the same … unless you pull in another palette to help change the look. There is some kick back with these shadows, not a ton but just enough to bug me. Most of the shade there was no fall out from except for Blackheart … there was a bunch of fall out with this color. …the only other downside is that these colors do not last long on the lids… even with a really good base they still fade.  The single shadows are great. It is offered in 63 shades (I own 2 but plan to purchase more). They are creamy and pigmented and long wearing. Physicians Formula Eye Booster 2-in-1 Boosting Eyeliner Serum was much talked about last year as being a dupe for the Kat Von D tattoo liner …. it isn’t …. It doesn’t go on matte, it’s thinner in consistency, it bleeds into fine lines and transfers to the lower lid, it also smears easy. It’s not my favorite for winged liner and I am not sure if I will purchase it again. I’ve already talked about the Wet n Wild Color Icon shadows so I wont bore you. The Tarteist Lash Paint Mascara is one that I opened only just yesterday…. and fell in love with. (It will never replace my Loreal Voluminous Carbon Black, but it’s definitely in second place.) Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Gel is just ok for me. It works well but it’s just so expensive for an eye brow gel (particularly since there are others out there that are just as good, like  ELF clear eyebrow gel for $2.00). Typically I just use a clear bar of soap (I use Neutrogena Facial Cleansing Bar $4.50 at Target).  I really wish my eyebrow tech would come out with her own line of brow products for retail …. they are that good. 

Essence Pure Nude Highlighter is so amazingly good!! You get a candle lit glow with this product that is buildable so you can use it day and night. The MAC Powder Blushes are really good. Pinch O’ Peach goes on sheer so I needed to do 3 layers to get the color to come through but I really like this blush … it doesnt accentuate the pores around my cheeks like some matte blushes do. You get a lot of product in the pods too. ColourPop Lippie Stix and Lippie Pencils are creamy and hell-a pigmented!! The Lippie Stix are long wearing and sit comfortably on the lips. The Lippie Pencils slide on smoothly and do not feather into the fine lines around my lips. I only own 1 color but have plans on buying more. The shape of the lippies are perfect to just slide into your jeans pocket and go … I am growing more and more impressed with the ColourPop line. Get value for the price!!

Well that’s all loves… hope today finds you with plenty of spoons, and remember save a spoon for a bit of lipstick.

XOXO

 

Cutting Corners When Spoons Are Gone

Published November 29, 2019 by aspooniesmakeupbag

Why hello there gorgeous, hope your day is going good.

I woke up this morning with so much energy ; yes the spoons were flowing today ; but by 6:00 pm I was totally ready to lay down. My spoons ran for the hills. This left me with a dilemma, feeding my family. I wanted so bad to just say “Let’s have sandwiches for dinner tonight” but I couldn’t bring myself to subject my family to a packed lunch for dinner, so I put on my big girl pants and pushed through the exhaustion.

I made streak and pasta for dinner and my secret weapon was the fact that the steaks were thin so they cooked fast and I used a boxed pasta that I hadn’t tried before.

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I purchased this for 98 cents at Walmart

This little gem not only makes it’s on sauce, it cooks in 10 minutes!!!

From start to finish dinner took me 10 minutes total we had a full meal … steak, salad, and pasta and it was tasty!!

I was so exhausted that I forgot to take a plated picture but believe me when I say  it was tasty.

We, as spoonies, often give ourselves too high of an expectation when it comes to taking care of our families that we forget that taking short cuts is in fact acceptable.

My family loved dinner tonight and I barely had much to do. I guess what I mean to say is don’t forget that you can take the easy way around when handling responsibilities. Our illnesses take so much from us, don’t let them take everything from us.  It is 100% acceptable to cut corners when you spoon supply is running low!

Baby steps …. that’s the key.

Well ta ta for now dolls. Remember to save a spoon or two for a bit of lipstick.

 

The Snow Globe Effect

Published April 13, 2017 by aspooniesmakeupbag

The next few post will be hard for me to speak about… I only just started to acknowledge the fact that I have mental issues … now I am wanting to add a public acknowledgement of this.

So lets talk about what it’s like to be a clinical depression suffer.

Clinical Depression? What is that? It’s when you suffer something so horrible, or maybe even just to difficult for you to deal with, and you get stuck in a deep depression … so deep that you can’t come out of it…. at least that’s how I would describe it.

My therapist would describe it with a ton of Ivy League words that I just can’t be bothered to try to spell today.

For the most part, when someone looks at me, it seems like everything is ok,  that’s just it , I’m not. I had something so profoundly horrible happen to me that I just don’t think I will ever recover from it. I was gang raped at in my early teens and that is all I will say about it … I can’t bring myself back to that day … and don’t know that even having therapy will help.

I pushed it deep inside but it was always just under the surface festering.

As the pressures of day-to-day life happened and  more bad things happened that festering turned into rot worse than death. I had a few suicide attempts, some time in a mental hospital, tons of drinking and getting high and finally 1 night as I was trying to end my life I met my husband. He has become that 1 constant in my life that makes things easier to deal with, and he is so patient with my messed up brain.

It wasn’t until my best friend took her own life that I #1 snapped completely and #2 understood finally the deep pain ending your life  causes those who love you most.

My brain finally had enough,  everything rushed to the surface all at once and I just couldn’t deal. I began sleeping as much as possible , could barely eat, cried almost all the time and nothing seemed to bring me joy.

I developed Fibromyalgia and that cause my depression to deepen even more. I started to detach from life and everyone around me.  It started to feel like everything I did , everything I experienced , everything that happened around me … was being done , experienced, happened to someone else… that I was just a passenger on someone else’s journey. ( My therapist has since explained that this is called dissociation and that this is something she can help me work on…. my though – ya right.)

As we work on me getting my mental health in order I began to call this dissociation the “Snow globe effect” . For me it feels like my whole life and everything (and everyone) in the world is in a giant snow globe and I am on the outside …. I can observe the world around me but I’m not able to feel the world around me.

As I push through this clinical depression I have good and bad days. I can be unhappy for no reason at all, I grow angry and seemingly innocent issues, and I just can’t deal with things the way I once have.

I still have hope that one day I can hold my head high and say this horrible thing happened but I am healed and my life is ok,  the truth is, I don’t know that I ever will be. I don’t wake up in the morning with the intent to be a Debbie Downer , or the intent to be stuck in a world of panic and anxiety …. it just is the way of my life …. my mind isn’t healthy and I keep working toward getting better … I don’t know I guess what I mean to say is …. I still have hope that one day I can find the opening to the snow globe and jump right inside with the rest of world, happy, healthy, and with no fear.

 

Well that’s it for now dolls… thanks for taking a peek inside this spoonie’s makeup bag …. until next time save a spoon for a bit of lip gloss.

A Million Elephants On My Back

Published March 29, 2017 by aspooniesmakeupbag

It’s been a while. I’m trying to work through things but sometimes one’s pain (both mental and physical) does get in the way.

With that being said,  I’d like to first start this post by saying I am sorry for being away so long. I am sorry for making promises to put out better content and to add more “beauty” related content for you and than falling short of that promise.

Believe me when I say that the idea that I write about a topic that someone takes the time to read  (and occasionally comment on) it is such a humbling thing; a thing that I never take for granted and do very much appreciate you , the reader… 

And so it is time to address, what to me, feels like a million elephants on my back (yes I know the saying is  monkeys but lets face it …. with what I need to say …. to me , the weight is best related to elephants. )

I have blogged about being sad , my ever growing list of medications,  and the loneliness that one with fibromyalgia goes through. What I haven’t spoken about openly is my struggle with clinical depression, my new journey with bipolar-ism, and how it feels to be trapped on the outside of a snow globe with the whole world on the inside. 

I had many issues (who doesn’t right?)

I had a bad thing happen to me , which changed me forever… the strain of this cause me to have PTSD , anxiety disorder and panic disorder… this didn’t happen over night, these symptoms piled on top of each other and when my best friend committed suicide ( 4 years ago) the strain of that cause my brain to snap further … enter the wonderful world of living with clinical depression and bipolar-ism.

this post is already longer than I had intended – this was intended to be just a catch up post – in my next few posts I’ll go into more detail of what life is like with each of these symptoms….

Thanks for peeking in on this spoonie’s makeup bag and until next time, remember …. always save a spoon for a bit of lip gloss.

Fibro Flares and No More Bad Hair

Published February 20, 2017 by aspooniesmakeupbag

Hey doll hey!!!! Sorry been away so long. It’s been a hell of a ride these past months.  I’ve had a super bad fibro flair ( for all my non spoonies out there a fibro flair is when our symptoms act up so bad that we end up having to rest  until the pain and fatigue ends)   and a hard time with my depression medications.  I also changed my look a bit …Thanks to the lovely staff at The Color Bar with the amazing job they did. They made me feel welcomed and made me laugh so much.

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A special THANKS to VICTORIA  for this fabulous new look! 

I’m hoping things have settled down finally.  It’s been so long since I last blogged that I am not even sure if I mentioned that my clinical depression has a new friend…. I have now been classified as having bi-polar disorder, so new meds have been prescribed for me.

I’ve felt like a lab rat the past few months as the psychiatrist has tried me on several meds to see which one would be the best fit, so far so good for the newest one.

My mind seems to have settled down some , I am not feeling like my mind is at warp speed as much.

I still have heaps of muscle and joint pain, but that will be a constant friend as I walk with fibromyalgia.

Well that’s it for my  update …. I hope to be able to do a few makeup reviews for you shortly.

Thank’s for taking the time to peak in on this spoonie’s makeup bag, and remember …. save a spoon for a bit of lip gloss.

 

Face of the Day

Published November 15, 2016 by aspooniesmakeupbag

Hey doll. Hope your day was smooth, pain free (errr… as close to pain free as any spoonie can have) and that you had plenty of spoons to make it through the day.

I have been taking a new dose of my depression medication and it seems to be working for me .  I  have had the energy ( both physically and mentally) to wear a full beat face 4 out of 7 days the past few weeks. (excluding the days at the first of the month when I was still off m muscle relaxers)

So I thought it was damn time that I share a face of the day with you. Remember even when you are having a bad spoonie day, just the littlest of things like a bit of blush, a smear of lip gloss  and mascara could help keep you feeling less depressed , feeling human on the days were , as a spoonie we feel left out or just unaccomplished.

Remember it’s the small things that can make a big difference in how we feel on low days. Even just a spritz of our favorite scent can help.

No flash in Natural Light.

Why yes… that is a face demon… thanks for pointing that out. (😣) ….Wink wink nudge nudge…..
On the eyes:

Urban Decay Naked Ultimate Basics  ($54)

To set my primer ( I just use whatever concealer I am am using that day) I used PREGAME.

On my transition I chose NUDE  and also on the high plain of the transition area I chose a mix of NUDE & COMMANDO.

High crease I used INSTINCT Low crease I used TEMPTED.

Outer V area I used LETHAL ( I also used in on my lower lash line ).

Urban Decay Naked Smoky  ($54)

2/3 of my lid I used DIRTY SWEET (also used it on the lower middle and lower waterline) .

Inner Corner Highlight I used HIGH .

Urban Decay Naked Skin Color Correcting Fluid ($28) in Peach .

NYX Gotcha Covered Concealer  ($5.99) in Medium Olive .

Physicians Formula 2-in-1 Lash Boosting Eyeliner + Serum ($8.60)  in ULTRA BLACK.

It Cosmetics Hello Lashes 5-in-1 Mascara ($24) in the color blackest black for lower lashes and Too Faced Better Than Sex Mascara ($23) in Carbon Black  for upper lashes .

On the Brows :

Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Duo ($23) in Dark Brown and NYX Micro Brow Pencil ( $9.99) in Espresso .

On the Face:

Too Faced Born This Way Foundation ($39) in Nude and also Natural Beige .

Milani The Multitasker Face Powder ($6.99) in #05 TAN .

Contour I used The Balm Cosmetics Bahama Mama ($20) .

I used IT Cosmetics Vitality Face Disk  (now called Your Most Beautiful You Anti Aging Face Palette  ($38) For my Highlight (Live) Blush (Love) and Bronzer (Laugh) .

On The Lips: 

NYX Suede Matte Lip Pencil ($4.00) in the color ALABAMA to contour and line my lips and Jeffree Star Velour Liquid Lipstick in the color MASOCHIST ($18) .

 

WOW! When I put all this on I didn’t realize just how much stuff I had on my face (wink wink).

 

Well … Thanks for taking the time to peek in on this spoonie’s makeup

bag … Until next time I hope the daylight receives you with less pain than the night before, more spoons than ever , and remember to save a spoon for a bit of lip gloss 💋💜💋

 

 

 

I’ve Had Up’s and Down’s ; But …

Published November 14, 2016 by aspooniesmakeupbag

Why hello there doll!!! Sorry I’ve been away so long. It’s been one hell after another since we last talked.

I’ve been to see my rheumaatologist who took me off my muscle relaxers because he says he feels as though they are pointless as they do not help with fibromyalgia.

I spent almost 3 weeks in such pain it literally took my breath from me at times. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and most importantly I was unable to even interact with my family. I spent most of my time crying, lying on the floor, or chain smoking because of the pain.

Around about the last part of the 2nd week I had enough of doing it the doctors way and , after talking with my husband about it, decided to start taking my muscle relaxers again.

Needless to say, I am feeling so much better now. ( about 2 days after starting my muscle relaxers again.)

The thing I have learned through this walk as a spoonie is this … doctor’s do not always know what is the best thing for you. Not every fibro patient will respond to the same course of treatment and when something is working for you it’s important to stand your ground and say I’m sticking with it.

I so wish I would have stood my ground this past month.

I have been taken off my anxiety meds and that has kept me house bound more than I would like and once again I have put myself back on my anxiety meds and will have a long talk with my shrink about this.

I’ve had ups and downs with my pain levels , energy, and mental health ; but I am still here … I am still fighting … and I am still hoping to be a beacon for other spoonies out there and of course a place for understand for those not in the spoonie circle.

I know it’s hard to understand what we go through, and I hope to continue giving you insight to those of us with autoimmune illnesses.

Well, that’s it for now. I’ll be bringing you those  long promised makeup posts soon, and some makeup reviews.

Thank you for taking the time to take a peek into this spoonie’s makeup bag and as always – remember spoonie darlings , save a spoon for a bit of lipgloss.  xox

Finally I See the Darn Bread Crumbs

Published February 24, 2016 by aspooniesmakeupbag

 

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It’s been so long since my last blog post … do I even remember how to blog anymore?

There was so much I wanted to accomplish with this blog and yet I seemed to have just drifted away from it.

In the time I was away I lost my medical insurance, chopped my hair off, gained a God baby, lost 50 pounds, moved to Orlando permanently, found a church I adore, was enrolled in new medical insurance (where I was able to get better coverage with less out of pocket costs), found out my depression was worse than I thought it was, and quit smoking.

I have since been diagnosed with Clinical Depression. The doctor put me on new medication, Paxil to be exact.

The first few weeks of being on Paxil were terrible. All I did the whole time was sleep. I truly did not think I would ever get any of my life back. One day, seemingly out of no where, I wasn’t effected as bad anymore. The medication still makes me sleepy, and more often than not I end up needing a nap to help, but I am at least able to try a cope with the day. I still feel depressed and I still have panic attacks; I just don’t have as many attacks and I am able to talk again.

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At the height of my walk with this new development there was a point where I didn’t talk. It’s not that I didn’t want to, I just couldn’t. My sadness was so bad, panic so strong, and thoughts so dark that I couldn’t make words form. In part this was because my mental pain and panic was too deep that there wasn’t a word for it and in part it was that my thoughts were so dark I was afraid I would be Baker Acted. I felt if I just kept it deep inside I would somehow get through this and no one needed to know, except the real live truth was….. EVERYONE knew. I would here “Hey are you ok?” at least 5 times a day, to which I would respond with my cookie cutter go to responses. … “yeah, I’m just tired” …. “yeah, I’m just in a lot of pain” …. “yeah, I just feel nauseous  “.

Most of the time that was where the conversation ended but the dialogue in my head kept on …. “why do you even care” …. “what are you blind? no I’m not” …. “what does it matter I’m a waste of space anyway?” ….. “No you dumb ass , I’m not now stop asking stupid questions” …  “No, I ‘m pissed that I woke up today, is it too much to ask to die in my sleep?” … “Hell no, but you can help me if you could end my life for me” and so on and so forth. There was also the internal battle with myself that went something like …”you are so pathetic, you should throw yourself off the bridge and end everyone else’s misery”.

I can’t say that I feel any differently most days, but I’m able to talk again. I get up and take a shower as often as my fibromyalgia will allow me to. I brush my teeth everyday again. I smile more than I did, and on most days those smiles are genuine.  I still feel like I’m an outsider in my life, and there are times I even feel like life is a dream or even that I am observing my life from the outside and that it’s not really me living it, and I can’t say why …. that’s just how it is.   I am still incredibly sad and feel so lost but at least I can see it now, and at times I can even talk it through with my husband and try to deal with it.

I still feel hopeless, but I also have hope … the hope that one day I will be able to crawl out of this dark hole and feel happy again…. hope that I may even have a day or two with no pain, more energy, less isolation.

The sad thing is many spoonies deal with depression on some level and never receive help they need to deal with it.  Sometimes just simply telling someone that has an invisible illness that you are here for them or that you want to understand how they feel is enough to give them some hope, other times it may take for you to say that there seems to be a change in their mood. Sometimes we don’t even realize we have changed, we only know that we are sad, that we feel dark and it takes for someone to tell us to even begin to understand that we are.  That’s what happened with me I guess. I went to this deep, dark, scary place and I needed someone to help me find my way back. I may not be out of the dark woods yet, but at least I can finally see the darn bread crumbs.

Well thanks for taking the time to peek in on this spoonie’s makeup bag and remember spoonie darlings …. try and Untitled

 

 

 

 

 

 

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