Fibromyalgia

All posts in the Fibromyalgia category

Fibro Flares and No More Bad Hair

Published February 20, 2017 by aspooniesmakeupbag

Hey doll hey!!!! Sorry been away so long. It’s been a hell of a ride these past months.  I’ve had a super bad fibro flair ( for all my non spoonies out there a fibro flair is when our symptoms act up so bad that we end up having to rest  until the pain and fatigue ends)   and a hard time with my depression medications.  I also changed my look a bit …Thanks to the lovely staff at The Color Bar with the amazing job they did. They made me feel welcomed and made me laugh so much.

17-02-19-21-39-41-347_deco

A special THANKS to VICTORIA  for this fabulous new look! 

I’m hoping things have settled down finally.  It’s been so long since I last blogged that I am not even sure if I mentioned that my clinical depression has a new friend…. I have now been classified as having bi-polar disorder, so new meds have been prescribed for me.

I’ve felt like a lab rat the past few months as the psychiatrist has tried me on several meds to see which one would be the best fit, so far so good for the newest one.

My mind seems to have settled down some , I am not feeling like my mind is at warp speed as much.

I still have heaps of muscle and joint pain, but that will be a constant friend as I walk with fibromyalgia.

Well that’s it for my  update …. I hope to be able to do a few makeup reviews for you shortly.

Thank’s for taking the time to peak in on this spoonie’s makeup bag, and remember …. save a spoon for a bit of lip gloss.

 

Face of the Day

Published November 15, 2016 by aspooniesmakeupbag

Hey doll. Hope your day was smooth, pain free (errr… as close to pain free as any spoonie can have) and that you had plenty of spoons to make it through the day.

I have been taking a new dose of my depression medication and it seems to be working for me .  I  have had the energy ( both physically and mentally) to wear a full beat face 4 out of 7 days the past few weeks. (excluding the days at the first of the month when I was still off m muscle relaxers)

So I thought it was damn time that I share a face of the day with you. Remember even when you are having a bad spoonie day, just the littlest of things like a bit of blush, a smear of lip gloss  and mascara could help keep you feeling less depressed , feeling human on the days were , as a spoonie we feel left out or just unaccomplished.

Remember it’s the small things that can make a big difference in how we feel on low days. Even just a spritz of our favorite scent can help.

No flash in Natural Light.

Why yes… that is a face demon… thanks for pointing that out. (😣) ….Wink wink nudge nudge…..
On the eyes:

Urban Decay Naked Ultimate Basics  ($54)

To set my primer ( I just use whatever concealer I am am using that day) I used PREGAME.

On my transition I chose NUDE  and also on the high plain of the transition area I chose a mix of NUDE & COMMANDO.

High crease I used INSTINCT Low crease I used TEMPTED.

Outer V area I used LETHAL ( I also used in on my lower lash line ).

Urban Decay Naked Smoky  ($54)

2/3 of my lid I used DIRTY SWEET (also used it on the lower middle and lower waterline) .

Inner Corner Highlight I used HIGH .

Urban Decay Naked Skin Color Correcting Fluid ($28) in Peach .

NYX Gotcha Covered Concealer  ($5.99) in Medium Olive .

Physicians Formula 2-in-1 Lash Boosting Eyeliner + Serum ($8.60)  in ULTRA BLACK.

It Cosmetics Hello Lashes 5-in-1 Mascara ($24) in the color blackest black for lower lashes and Too Faced Better Than Sex Mascara ($23) in Carbon Black  for upper lashes .

On the Brows :

Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Duo ($23) in Dark Brown and NYX Micro Brow Pencil ( $9.99) in Espresso .

On the Face:

Too Faced Born This Way Foundation ($39) in Nude and also Natural Beige .

Milani The Multitasker Face Powder ($6.99) in #05 TAN .

Contour I used The Balm Cosmetics Bahama Mama ($20) .

I used IT Cosmetics Vitality Face Disk  (now called Your Most Beautiful You Anti Aging Face Palette  ($38) For my Highlight (Live) Blush (Love) and Bronzer (Laugh) .

On The Lips: 

NYX Suede Matte Lip Pencil ($4.00) in the color ALABAMA to contour and line my lips and Jeffree Star Velour Liquid Lipstick in the color MASOCHIST ($18) .

 

WOW! When I put all this on I didn’t realize just how much stuff I had on my face (wink wink).

 

Well … Thanks for taking the time to peek in on this spoonie’s makeup

bag … Until next time I hope the daylight receives you with less pain than the night before, more spoons than ever , and remember to save a spoon for a bit of lip gloss 💋💜💋

 

 

 

I’ve Had Up’s and Down’s ; But …

Published November 14, 2016 by aspooniesmakeupbag

Why hello there doll!!! Sorry I’ve been away so long. It’s been one hell after another since we last talked.

I’ve been to see my rheumaatologist who took me off my muscle relaxers because he says he feels as though they are pointless as they do not help with fibromyalgia.

I spent almost 3 weeks in such pain it literally took my breath from me at times. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and most importantly I was unable to even interact with my family. I spent most of my time crying, lying on the floor, or chain smoking because of the pain.

Around about the last part of the 2nd week I had enough of doing it the doctors way and , after talking with my husband about it, decided to start taking my muscle relaxers again.

Needless to say, I am feeling so much better now. ( about 2 days after starting my muscle relaxers again.)

The thing I have learned through this walk as a spoonie is this … doctor’s do not always know what is the best thing for you. Not every fibro patient will respond to the same course of treatment and when something is working for you it’s important to stand your ground and say I’m sticking with it.

I so wish I would have stood my ground this past month.

I have been taken off my anxiety meds and that has kept me house bound more than I would like and once again I have put myself back on my anxiety meds and will have a long talk with my shrink about this.

I’ve had ups and downs with my pain levels , energy, and mental health ; but I am still here … I am still fighting … and I am still hoping to be a beacon for other spoonies out there and of course a place for understand for those not in the spoonie circle.

I know it’s hard to understand what we go through, and I hope to continue giving you insight to those of us with autoimmune illnesses.

Well, that’s it for now. I’ll be bringing you those  long promised makeup posts soon, and some makeup reviews.

Thank you for taking the time to take a peek into this spoonie’s makeup bag and as always – remember spoonie darlings , save a spoon for a bit of lipgloss.  xox

Finally I See the Darn Bread Crumbs

Published February 24, 2016 by aspooniesmakeupbag

 

405cecc4-4133-49fc-b874-8ebe10532f07

It’s been so long since my last blog post … do I even remember how to blog anymore?

There was so much I wanted to accomplish with this blog and yet I seemed to have just drifted away from it.

In the time I was away I lost my medical insurance, chopped my hair off, gained a God baby, lost 50 pounds, moved to Orlando permanently, found a church I adore, was enrolled in new medical insurance (where I was able to get better coverage with less out of pocket costs), found out my depression was worse than I thought it was, and quit smoking.

I have since been diagnosed with Clinical Depression. The doctor put me on new medication, Paxil to be exact.

The first few weeks of being on Paxil were terrible. All I did the whole time was sleep. I truly did not think I would ever get any of my life back. One day, seemingly out of no where, I wasn’t effected as bad anymore. The medication still makes me sleepy, and more often than not I end up needing a nap to help, but I am at least able to try a cope with the day. I still feel depressed and I still have panic attacks; I just don’t have as many attacks and I am able to talk again.

12249677_989946414394777_1927335205809585875_n

At the height of my walk with this new development there was a point where I didn’t talk. It’s not that I didn’t want to, I just couldn’t. My sadness was so bad, panic so strong, and thoughts so dark that I couldn’t make words form. In part this was because my mental pain and panic was too deep that there wasn’t a word for it and in part it was that my thoughts were so dark I was afraid I would be Baker Acted. I felt if I just kept it deep inside I would somehow get through this and no one needed to know, except the real live truth was….. EVERYONE knew. I would here “Hey are you ok?” at least 5 times a day, to which I would respond with my cookie cutter go to responses. … “yeah, I’m just tired” …. “yeah, I’m just in a lot of pain” …. “yeah, I just feel nauseous  “.

Most of the time that was where the conversation ended but the dialogue in my head kept on …. “why do you even care” …. “what are you blind? no I’m not” …. “what does it matter I’m a waste of space anyway?” ….. “No you dumb ass , I’m not now stop asking stupid questions” …  “No, I ‘m pissed that I woke up today, is it too much to ask to die in my sleep?” … “Hell no, but you can help me if you could end my life for me” and so on and so forth. There was also the internal battle with myself that went something like …”you are so pathetic, you should throw yourself off the bridge and end everyone else’s misery”.

I can’t say that I feel any differently most days, but I’m able to talk again. I get up and take a shower as often as my fibromyalgia will allow me to. I brush my teeth everyday again. I smile more than I did, and on most days those smiles are genuine.  I still feel like I’m an outsider in my life, and there are times I even feel like life is a dream or even that I am observing my life from the outside and that it’s not really me living it, and I can’t say why …. that’s just how it is.   I am still incredibly sad and feel so lost but at least I can see it now, and at times I can even talk it through with my husband and try to deal with it.

I still feel hopeless, but I also have hope … the hope that one day I will be able to crawl out of this dark hole and feel happy again…. hope that I may even have a day or two with no pain, more energy, less isolation.

The sad thing is many spoonies deal with depression on some level and never receive help they need to deal with it.  Sometimes just simply telling someone that has an invisible illness that you are here for them or that you want to understand how they feel is enough to give them some hope, other times it may take for you to say that there seems to be a change in their mood. Sometimes we don’t even realize we have changed, we only know that we are sad, that we feel dark and it takes for someone to tell us to even begin to understand that we are.  That’s what happened with me I guess. I went to this deep, dark, scary place and I needed someone to help me find my way back. I may not be out of the dark woods yet, but at least I can finally see the darn bread crumbs.

Well thanks for taking the time to peek in on this spoonie’s makeup bag and remember spoonie darlings …. try and Untitled

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Bright Side of the Rainbow

Published October 15, 2015 by aspooniesmakeupbag

Sorry to have been away so long. I was dealing with a huge bout of anxiety and depression. I am not 100% yet, but I’m trying.

image

Today I fully expetcted to wake up feeling heaps of pain and fatigue since I accomplished so much yesterday.

Yesterday I was able to to get out of bed, clean the bathroom, and my  bedroom, do the wash, make dinner ( steak and oven fries) and still have enough energy to dig out my makeup and get my face Crayola fabulous.

            PRODUCTS USED :

image

Eyes:
Nyx Cosmetics MicroBrow in brunette with Anastasia Beverlyhills Dipbrow in Dark Brown Lorac Cosmetics Pro2 in the colors … Buff, Nectar, Lt Brown, Cool Gray, Black, Plum, Cocoa, Jade, Snow, and Rose
Nyx Cosmetics Love in Rio Moonlit Skinny Dip… I used the darkest brown color Wet n Wild Beauty  Mega Plump Mascara
The lashes I used are a no name brand I purchased from Wish
Face:
Hard Candy Glam oflauge invisible camouflage foundation in fair
Maybelline FitMe concealers in #15 fair, #20 sand, and #25 medium Loreal ParisTrue Match Super Blendable powder in N5 true beige Too Faced Cosmetics Chocolate Solelie Bronzer in medium deep Milani Cosmetics Baked Powder Blush in #05 Luminoso, Revlon Photo Ready SkinLights Face Illuminator in #100 Bare Light Becca Cosmetics Shimmering Skin Perfector Pressed in Champagne Pop
Lips:
Milani Cosmetics Color Statement lipstick in #43 Pretty Natural paired with Rimmle London’s Exaggerate Full Colour Lip Liner in #063 East End Snob

I was exhausted after and spent most of the rest of the night in bed watching Flash, catching up on Fear the Walking Dead and binge watching Heroes,  but it was so worth it. I had an incredible sense of accomplishment.

Yesterday was the first day in well over 8 months (of the past 2 years of my fibro flare) that I was able to do more than just shower and paint my face.

It’s the first time in 8 months that I was able to make a meal for my husband. So if I was  completely annihilated after the full day that I had, it was so worth it.

Surprisingly, Today I dont feel as bad as I thought I would.

Yes I have pain, but it’s a level 7. This means I was at least able to sit up and enjoy some tv time with my hubby and play with my God baby today. I did feel wiped out but not half as bad as I thought I would be.

I could have felt sorry for myself because I couldn’t go swimming like I had planned to do today or even go to the park with my God baby, but the truth is with this walk with Fibromyalgia tomorrow is never promised, hell an hour from now is never promised, so celebrate those little moments… it’s the little accomplishments that we should thrive on and not drown ourselves with the things we weren’t able to get to.

I couldn’t do very much today but I was able to get a full beat face going today, I was able to catch up on shows hubby and I like to watch together, and I was able to spend some much needed time with the God baby. So today was pretty damn amazing.

       PRODUCTS USED:

image

Face:
Urban Decay Cosmetics  Pore Perfecting Complexion Primer Potion, Maybelline FitMe Dewy+Smooth Foundation in #130 Buff Beige and FitMe Concealers in #15 Fair, #20 Sand, #25 Medium Loreal Paris True Match Super Blendable Power in n5 true beige Too Faced Cosmetics Chocolate Soleil Medium Dark Bronzer
Cheeks:
Tarte Cosmetics  24 Hour Amazonian Clay Blush in Fearless,
Revlon Photoready Skinlights Face Illuminator in #100 Bare Light, Becca Cosmetics Shimmering Skin Perfector Pressed in Champagne Pop
Eyes:
Lorac Cosmetics Pro 2 in the colors … Buff, Lt Brown, Nectar, Plum, and Rose and I used White from Pro1 I also used the Revlon Photoready Skinlights on the mobile lid under Rose. KATVOND BEAUTY Tattoo Liner in Tooper, Urban Decayc Cosmetics 24/7 Glide on Eye Pencil in Vice, and Rimmel London Exaggerate Water Proof Eye Definer in #261 Noir Anastasia Beverlyhills Dipbrow Pomade in Dark Brown and Nyxc Cosmetics  MicroBrow in Brunette
Lips:
Jordana Cosmetics Easyliner for Lips in the color Cabernet
Milanic Cosmetics  Color Statement Lipstick in #71 Matte Flirty
Lashes:  Cuci Yours #628 ( I purchased through an app called Wish)

image

I hope everyone has had an amazing day.

Remember life can be hard when we walk the road of invisible illnesses, just dont forget to take a breather , look around you, and enjoy the world around you.  On bad days take a moment to just let the sun kiss your face, read a book, or even pop in your ear buds and listen to something soothing – perhaps a little soundscape ocean music. This battle is tough, but you are tougher … more than you ever could know. Focus on the bright side of the rainbow, not the rain … I promise it wont be forever, there are good days a head.

The goal is to just enjoy and focus on the beauty around us.

My wish is that the day greets you with love & kindness &  that, for all my spoonie darlings out there, your energy level is comfortable and your pain levels are low.

Thanks for peeking in on this spoonie’s makeupbag and remember always reserve a spoon for a bit of lipgloss

To Push the Clouds Away

Published August 18, 2015 by aspooniesmakeupbag

It’s been awhile since I last blogged. Honestly I have been going through a very rough patch with my depression. This week marked the 4 year anniversary of my best friend’s suicide, something I do not feel I will ever be able to heal from and something that I will blog about sometime (if I’m ever really able to bring myself to). I lost my beloved fur babies this week. I have suffered the worst cluster headaches to date, and I am finding living with my mother in law to be a difficult this to do ( however shortly, very shortly in fact we will be moving to the Florida O.C. which excites me so much.)

Since my last post I have been back and forth to Orlando to visit my friend who I have mentioned in previous posts, I have been dealing with level 10 pains , I have been trying to handle life when all I really want to do is curl into a ball and never deal with the world again.

Through this bought of depression I still forced myself to break out my makeup and Crayola my face to the heavens. For me, this is my form of meditation when the world is too much to bear. I’ve been known to have a full beat face on and still break out my makeup, wash off my face, and reapply my face if I am having a particularly bad anxiety day. Which reminds me , I will be doing a few reviews of some of the newest members of my beauty family soon as well as some posts about my face of the days.  ( you are welcome to follow me on Instagram at DaZombi3Fari3 for the most up to date face of the days)

Today I was having a not really wanting to deal with anything or anybody type day ( i pretty much have been having this type of day for the better part of 2 months now, my own little fibro groundhog’s day hell). Not even painting my face seemed to make things OK for me today. That however changed when I received an email and Instagram post from one of my top 10 favorite YouTubers  by the name of  DivaMakeupQueen.  See, I had entered a giveaway on her channel ( one that I had forgotten I participated in) to win an Urban Decay Smokey Eyeshadow Palette and today I received this beautiful little post on my Instagram …

Screenshot_2015-08-18-13-19-33-1

Sometimes we just need a small little blessing to motivate us to deal with the world. This was today’s little blessing. (for me and my hubby since this was one of the palettes I asked him to buy me for my birthday and well now it’s 1 less thing he will have to hunt down.)    I know it’s a shallow thing to be grateful for but today it was the thing I needed to push the clouds away.

well , I just really wanted to pop in to say a quick hello, and give you a quick update on the mad ramblings of a makeup obsessed spoonie.   and before I close I wanted to share with you a meme my niece tagged me in on Facebook today. It was one that resonated so to the point with me.

FB_IMG_1439942041738

Chilling isn’t it – that if only others could see what we feel.

Well that’s it for now spoonie darlings, Thanks for peeking in on this spoonie’s makeup bag and until next time remember to save a spoon for a little lip gloss.

Grey Skies and Rainy Times

Published August 5, 2015 by aspooniesmakeupbag

Today I find myself feeling fustrated. It’s been a little over 2 years that I have relapsed… 2 years.

I really can’t even remember what it was like to have my own money, to be able to just hop in the car and head out for a little retail theropy.

I know that sound shallow, really I am not meaning to be. It’s just that… well I guess I just have always worked, have always had a paycheck. I never needed to depend on anyone for anything and now I can’t even buy a pack of gum on my own…. that’s true frustration.

I’ve been a fibromyalgia suffer for the better part of 6 years and in the beginning I was able to work but now there arent very many good day and I think that is where my depression starts to kick in. When you are stuck in bed for as long as I have been you loose you self worth. You forget that you are valid. When you have to depend on anyone else you start to feel useless.

My husband does a damn good job at making sure I never need for anything, it would just be nice to one day be able to say I purchased this, or hey babe let ME take you on a date.

There use to be a time when I could look into my closet and say I spent way too much on clothes and ask myself why in earth I had so many purple tops.

Now when I look into my closet all I find is a reminder that I am not a productive member of society anymore. I also am reminded that my fashion sense has gone right out the window.

You see, when you live the life of a spoonie you for go trendy for comfort. I use to own 20 pairs of jeans, Now I own nothing but sweat pants and pj bottoms. I use to own so many cute tops and sweaters but now I own tank tops and cardigans.

Someone with fibromyalgia has to be careful of what they wear. We have hyper sensitive areas on our bodies that when touched or constricted sends our bodies into blinding pain…. so those skinny jeans we use to love are now off limits. Hell, most of the time I wear just a tank top and pj shorts just to try and easy my discomfort.

So here I am fustrated because I want to go shopping, and I am (just a little bit…if my energy allows me to) but it just isn’t the same when you have to defer the bill to someone else to pay. Don’t get me wrong, I am super excited to be getting a new eyeshadow pallet I am dying for, it’s just that when I would snag the hot new makeup item when I was making my own money there was this sense of accomplishment, now there is excitement but it’s no longer MY accomplishment.

I know that as a married couple my husband and I accomplish life together but I watch as he works so much harder than he should have to just to be able to make sure I am able to have some play money. That is so heart aching for me.

During the holidays and his birthday it’s nice that I have money to gift him things and he is truly grateful for the gifts he recieves, however isn’t it really just him buying his own present? After all it is his paycheck that affords me the ability to get him a gift in the first place.

Being a spoonie that is faced with being confined to your home, you find that you get fustrated about many thing, not just financial issues.

Take for instance not being able take a trip out for the day spontaneously. Living with fibromyalgia means having to plan outings with as much advanced notice as possible.

I have to make sure I rest so that I don’t over do myself, I have to make sure I don’t forget to take all my medication on time so as to avoid weakening myself to pain beyond what my brain has deemed will be my daily allotted amount. I have to make sure that the only pair of jeans I own (why own more than 1 pair if I am really never leaving the house anyway) isn’t going to be pressing in on any of my tender points. I have to make sure I am careful of what I eat for the week to ensure I am not nauseous when I am out of the house.

I am fustrated also because I have been so weak and in so much pain this week and it feels as if I will never have a good day again, that I will always be this weak and in this much pain but than I remmeber that only 17 months ago this was me…

image

Just 17 months ago I was so weak that I couldn’t even sit up. There was so much pain that I couldn’t even breath without wanting to scream. Just a little over a year and a half ago I couldn’t take a bath on my own, I couldn’t change my clothes on my own… and fast forward to the present and here I am blogging. Here I am  upright (granted it’s not for long periods of time, but it’s a start) and able to shower on my own (normally using a shower chair). I am even able to wear makeup on more than just a few days or less.

Granted, most of the days that I am wearing makeup I am still in a tanktop and pj bottems, and instead of applying my makeup at my vanity I almost always have to apply it from bed, I am STILL able to wear makeup… an almost on the daily.

I guess what started out as a pitty party today has taught me that my life should be a celebration of those small steps I keep talking about.

To all my wonderful spoonies out there , those little steps might seem like a drop in the bucket, and we may not be able to work and make a dollar, but look at us now. Those little steps are little reminders that it wont always be grey skies and rainy times. Just because you are house bound and may be fighting the government for assistance (because hey you look healthy or your symptoms aren’t life threatening to the powers that be) it’s ok to accept help from those who love you most.

To all you beautiful dishes out there, remember even when we  forget to tell you how amazing your support has been, we always feel it. 

Well, that’s all for now… my body is screaming for me to go take a rest,

Until next time hang in there spoonie darlings, it won’t always be fustrating.

Thanks for taking the time to peek in on this spoonie’s makeup bag and don’t forget to save a spoon for a bit of lip gloss.

%d bloggers like this: