Anxiety

All posts tagged Anxiety

No Face of the Day Today Because ….

Published December 19, 2019 by aspooniesmakeupbag

**** I am writing this at 4 pm on Tuesday since I will be unable to sit up after my surgery, I wanted to make sure that you knew about the procedure and the reason there will not be a face of the day post on Thursday. ****

 

Good morning beauties. I will not be doing a face of the day today. I am having Radiofrequency Ablation today and will be in pain after the surgery.

Basically my pain management doctor will be going in and burning the nerves in my lower back near my hips to help reduce the pain I get from the Fibromyalgia.

They give me anesthesia and once I’m under they take small electric rod needles and place them near my spin where the nerves are. They send and electric pulse through the needles into the nerves and that burns the nerve severing the nerve and allowing me to feel pain free in that area for 6 months. Well, basically pain free anyway. If I am standing or sitting for too long I still feel pain in that area, but at least for the most part I am pain free in the hip area.

This procedure only lasts 6 months, so every 6 months I have to undergo a new round of Radiofrequency Ablation (RFA).

I am very grateful for our health insurance as for the most part I do not pay anything to have it done. However if I haven’t hit my out of pocket expenses for the year the RFA does cost $100 a round and I get 2 done… 1 hip gets done at a time to allow me to have mobility while I heal from the surgery.

This is an out patient surgery and the recovery time is very fast… I’m normally in pain the whole rest of that day and most of the day after. I do get minimal bruising that typically goes away after a day or two.

For any of my fellow spoonies out there who suffers from lower back pain that radiates out toward the limbs I would recommend this procedure 100%!!

My quality of life has improved so much since I have been doing the RFA.

I’ve been getting it done for 3 years now. At first they didn’t use anesthesia, they would use a local anesthetic, so I was awake during the procedure. They would inject the anesthetic right into the nerve so it hurt a little while they did this, it also hurt when the injection rods were placed into the nerve ending…. but after the rods are in place it didn’t hurt as much.

For a Fibromyalgia spoonie we feel pain on a whole other level, so the pain I felt during the surgery was nothing compared to the pain I felt without taking treatment.

For more information on RFA talk to you pain management specialist. You can also get the gist  of what RFA is here -> RFA on Web MD

For those of you suffering with pain due to Fibromyalgia or Lupus or any other spoonie illness looking for a good pain management center that treats your symptoms without throwing more pain meds at you … If you live in the Orlando Florida area I recommend Florida Pain Relief Group  .

Well that’s all for now loves …. I hope you are finding the day with plenty of spoons and as pain free as you can be.

Remember dolls always save a spoon for a bit of lip gloss….

XOXO

 

 

The Snow Globe Effect

Published April 13, 2017 by aspooniesmakeupbag

The next few post will be hard for me to speak about… I only just started to acknowledge the fact that I have mental issues … now I am wanting to add a public acknowledgement of this.

So lets talk about what it’s like to be a clinical depression suffer.

Clinical Depression? What is that? It’s when you suffer something so horrible, or maybe even just to difficult for you to deal with, and you get stuck in a deep depression … so deep that you can’t come out of it…. at least that’s how I would describe it.

My therapist would describe it with a ton of Ivy League words that I just can’t be bothered to try to spell today.

For the most part, when someone looks at me, it seems like everything is ok,  that’s just it , I’m not. I had something so profoundly horrible happen to me that I just don’t think I will ever recover from it. I was gang raped at in my early teens and that is all I will say about it … I can’t bring myself back to that day … and don’t know that even having therapy will help.

I pushed it deep inside but it was always just under the surface festering.

As the pressures of day-to-day life happened and  more bad things happened that festering turned into rot worse than death. I had a few suicide attempts, some time in a mental hospital, tons of drinking and getting high and finally 1 night as I was trying to end my life I met my husband. He has become that 1 constant in my life that makes things easier to deal with, and he is so patient with my messed up brain.

It wasn’t until my best friend took her own life that I #1 snapped completely and #2 understood finally the deep pain ending your life  causes those who love you most.

My brain finally had enough,  everything rushed to the surface all at once and I just couldn’t deal. I began sleeping as much as possible , could barely eat, cried almost all the time and nothing seemed to bring me joy.

I developed Fibromyalgia and that cause my depression to deepen even more. I started to detach from life and everyone around me.  It started to feel like everything I did , everything I experienced , everything that happened around me … was being done , experienced, happened to someone else… that I was just a passenger on someone else’s journey. ( My therapist has since explained that this is called dissociation and that this is something she can help me work on…. my though – ya right.)

As we work on me getting my mental health in order I began to call this dissociation the “Snow globe effect” . For me it feels like my whole life and everything (and everyone) in the world is in a giant snow globe and I am on the outside …. I can observe the world around me but I’m not able to feel the world around me.

As I push through this clinical depression I have good and bad days. I can be unhappy for no reason at all, I grow angry and seemingly innocent issues, and I just can’t deal with things the way I once have.

I still have hope that one day I can hold my head high and say this horrible thing happened but I am healed and my life is ok,  the truth is, I don’t know that I ever will be. I don’t wake up in the morning with the intent to be a Debbie Downer , or the intent to be stuck in a world of panic and anxiety …. it just is the way of my life …. my mind isn’t healthy and I keep working toward getting better … I don’t know I guess what I mean to say is …. I still have hope that one day I can find the opening to the snow globe and jump right inside with the rest of world, happy, healthy, and with no fear.

 

Well that’s it for now dolls… thanks for taking a peek inside this spoonie’s makeup bag …. until next time save a spoon for a bit of lip gloss.

A Million Elephants On My Back

Published March 29, 2017 by aspooniesmakeupbag

It’s been a while. I’m trying to work through things but sometimes one’s pain (both mental and physical) does get in the way.

With that being said,  I’d like to first start this post by saying I am sorry for being away so long. I am sorry for making promises to put out better content and to add more “beauty” related content for you and than falling short of that promise.

Believe me when I say that the idea that I write about a topic that someone takes the time to read  (and occasionally comment on) it is such a humbling thing; a thing that I never take for granted and do very much appreciate you , the reader… 

And so it is time to address, what to me, feels like a million elephants on my back (yes I know the saying is  monkeys but lets face it …. with what I need to say …. to me , the weight is best related to elephants. )

I have blogged about being sad , my ever growing list of medications,  and the loneliness that one with fibromyalgia goes through. What I haven’t spoken about openly is my struggle with clinical depression, my new journey with bipolar-ism, and how it feels to be trapped on the outside of a snow globe with the whole world on the inside. 

I had many issues (who doesn’t right?)

I had a bad thing happen to me , which changed me forever… the strain of this cause me to have PTSD , anxiety disorder and panic disorder… this didn’t happen over night, these symptoms piled on top of each other and when my best friend committed suicide ( 4 years ago) the strain of that cause my brain to snap further … enter the wonderful world of living with clinical depression and bipolar-ism.

this post is already longer than I had intended – this was intended to be just a catch up post – in my next few posts I’ll go into more detail of what life is like with each of these symptoms….

Thanks for peeking in on this spoonie’s makeup bag and until next time, remember …. always save a spoon for a bit of lip gloss.

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